The Worst Dream, EVER
by ezyl
Summary: crack!story. Percy's got a lot of explaining to do...multi-chappie, many-paired, crack, swearing, explicitness, sexual innuendos...this fic, has it all! Written by the members of the forum GodChildShipping. You can join in the fun, too! XD.


**This is random. And cracked. Our own little story. Join in the fun at the Forum GodChildShipping! :D.**

**Disclaimers apply.  
**

* * *

It was another, random, boring, and love-infused day at Camp Half-Blood.

Percy was jacking-off in front of his Annabeth-edition of Playboy, of course.

Thalia was somehow still stuck in her tree, because she felt like becoming one with the shrubbery.

And Annabeth was killing Chiron for murdering her pet rabbit.

_I want to go swimming,_ Percy thought to himself, so he took off towards the ocean (having no need to take off any clothes, because he was already half-naked in front of the 5-page Annabeth "Chase Me If You Can" spread).

A random Demeter Child named Robert found Percy's Annabeth Playboy with _PERCY JACKSONz_ written on it, and stole it (how very Hermes of him), and started walking behind Thalia's tree to have some 'alone' time when he said "OMG. Thalia, how are you in a tree AGAIN?"

And so Thalia came out and was like "How did you know I was in there?"

Robert was all like, "I'm a Demeter kid we can do stuff like that."

And she was all, "What's that behind your back?"

And he was all "Percy's playboy…"

And she was all "Give me that!"

And he was all "Here, keep it."

And she was all like, "Cya nerd!" and she went off to the beach.

And was like, to Percy, "I found your shit."

While she was at the beach, the sun's blinding rays were so hot they were unbearable. She skimmed through the erotic Playboy magazine, and her body started getting unbelievably horny. Then she saw an intriguing picture of Mr. D's naked, fat, saggy white chest smashing Juniper's tiny frame. They're bodies both wore no clothes, and one of them was grinning insanely while in a naughty position. The one who was grinning was Mr. D. The amber-haired dryad's eyes bugged out in the explicit photograph, and her face had the look of outrage and horror.

Thalia licked her lips due to the enticing crap, her electric blue eyes were glued on.

"That's so hot."

She planned to imitate the picture she was admiring. She'd be the one in Mr. D's place. And Beckendorf would be the one she was raping. She thought of his gorgeous, dark-skinned body, and she felt wanting for him at an intense degree. His muscley chest and biceps looked delicious; literally delicious. Her stomach tightened, because which should she perform? Should she rape Beckendorf?

As this was happening Annabeth had just finished killing Chiron, when she sees a random Demeter child wearing brown and she was just thinking _Wow. I wonder if I should make him rape someone,_ then she made up her mind and stalked him for a short while and noticed he seemed to be very boring but had a bunch of people talking to him so Annabeth walked up to him and asked him to follow her.

He was fine with it thinking. _Whatever this is about, it won't be fun_.

"So could you do me a favor?"

"What do you want, Annabeth?"

"How do you know me?"

"Everyone knows you."

"Okay…right, I want you to rape Thalia..."

"Can I seduce her?"

"Fine, whatever just let me watch!"

"Fine weather we have today."

--

It was at this moment that Luke decided to show up, because, well, he wanted to. Gods, did he have to have a reason for everything?

"Annabeth," he grabbed the girl away from that disgusting Demeter-boy and growled, "What the hell are you doing? I thought you said we could hold on to the long-distance relationship?"

The Playboy-model proceeded to slap the guy senseless, and then deciding to go and bake some cheese-apple pie and feed it to Percy with her breasts.

"YUM!" Percy cried in ecstasy, dramatic tears rolling down his face. "This pie tastes like Grover! I love the taste of satyrs! They're so juicy and crunchy, and taste like steak!"

At that exact moment Grover had strolled up to Percy to see if he wanted to climb the climbing wall together. Grover's brown eyes widened in disgust and terror. "Excuse me?!"

Percy rubbed the back of his head nervously. "Ha, I...was just...kidding!"

...Meanwhile, thousands of miles away...

Luke wakes up, and finds out that he has been turned into a bitch. At first, it was really kinda disconcerting, as he found that his thing was no longer in its appropriate place, but then he shrugged.

"Oh, well. I've always wanted to try being a woman, and see if I'll still fail at life."

(Bear in mind, that he was naked from eyebrows to dirty toenails.)

--

"Let's have a chariot race!" the camp director, no-longer the god of wine but a woman in a scuba suit, announced, "Where's Annabeth? We need a Mary Sue here, dammit, or how will we ever determine a winner?"

Annabeth, having finished her pie-bake session, found Grover in a unconscious heap in the chariot racing tracks, tied up and snoring like the world was not going to end.

The random Demeter boy walks straight into a pit O' death.

Mean while, Percy was roasting what looked suspiciously like a sheep leg or goat over a fire over the pit O' death, thinking about how Juniper would taste covered in goat blood.

YUM!

...Meanwhile, thousands of miles away...

Annabeth had taken the first chariot she could find, and mashed up Grover against the track, winning the race. Because the scuba-suit-camp-director had just been replaced by a grizzly bear, they allowed her to bring the bloody, dirt-ridden carcass back to her cabin, where she promptly scared the rest of the Athena kids so much that they followed the random Demeter boy down the Pit O' Death.

And guess what? It was actually a cursed toilet bowl in disguise. A toilet bowl that lead up to the Poseidon cabin.

"Hm..." Percy (having finished roasting the sheep leg and eating the remains of Juniper and on the john trying to dump out all the excess wood nymph branches and other unmentionables) muttered, "Why is there this weird thing poking up my butt?"

And then, Luke walked in, clothed in mud from head to foot.

Luke runs up to Percy, while yelling "I want your pussy, Percy!!!"

----

Taken aback by the comment, (and not to mention the random entrance) Percy reached into his back pocket unveiling his pen, in which he transformed into Riptide. Gripping the sword tightly, he swung it randomly at Luke, sending him to the ground.

[Insert scene where a heroic battle ensues over Playboys, penii and some bloody Juniper branches, filled with Japanese swearing.]

--

Having come across all this terrible, terrible swearing, unnecessary dirty thoughts, and abuse of the Japanese language (ichi, ni, san, shi -or yon-, go), Annabeth and Thalia decided to take action. Cancelling their reservations at the Playboy mansion, the two girls decided to take matters into their own hands, by...

Distributing the stolen jewelry they had found in Grover's goldigger closet into three separate piles in order to distract the attention of the grizzly bear camp director away from the disturbing sight of Percy and Luke making out.

Meanwhile Hera was spying on Percy and Luke wondering if she could join, but then a HUGE boom went off turns out it was just a firecracker

-just ignore it-

Hera skipped up to Percy and Luke's aggressive lip-locking giddily.

"Can I like, join you peoples? That would be so hot!"

Luke glowered furiously. "No you freak!" He shouted, despite that Hera was an all powerful goddess who could blow him to rubble. "You're like green eggs and ham! Green eggs and ham sucks balls!" Luke cussed at the heavens overdramatically in ancient Greek.

"Curse you Sam I Am! CURSE YOU!"

Sam I Am shimmered randomly by Luke, spreading out his arms.

Sam I Am smiled robotically. "Don't worry, Luke-meister! Lukie-pie! I will always love you!"

One of Luke's blue eyes twitched. "DON'T COME CLOSER! AAAAUGGGGHHH!" he screamed while Sam I Am squished his body into a fierce hug. "Noooooooo!"

--

It was at this point that Juniper had somehow regained her life with her super wood nymph skillz, and decided to barge in on the three-some.

"Where's my Grover?" she screeched, furious tears running down her cheeks.

"omg!!1 itsa gost!" screamed I'm-Asking-To-Be-Flamed!Grover, "gt the HELL awy fro meeee!!!1"

--

Mean while that one Water Nymph Percy always meets when he goes in the water came in with a strap on, wondering where her partner went... "Juniper! Why did you run away??? I thought we were having something special!"

All of a sudden Percy says, "So that's where the term 'Nympho Maniac' came from!"

Out of literally nowhere Hades arrives while taking off his Hat of Shadows and said "DIE, BURN, EAT EACHOTHER HAHAHHAAHA!" Then proceeded to use a chainsaw on the Watery Chick Percy always sees.

--

Water Chick somehow manages to come back to life again, because she's a girl and girls can do creepy stalker-y things like that.

"Ve vant your blood..."

She turns around. It was Luke and Percy, both of them half-naked (the first actually showing signs of maturity, what with the chest hair and honed abs, while the latter in floppy old-woman skin) and looking distinctly rustled.

Their eyes were red.

Ah. That explains everything.

"Hey! Tell us who tastes better!" Luke screamed at the Water nymph. Both he and Percy ran to her, with Percy tripping on seaweed on the way there.

The nymph stared blithely at the demigods.

"Ooh kay! Wecth one ov ze firzt and wanz it whare?"

Percy and Luke exchanged suggestive glares.

"On our peni-"

Just then out of the distance a random BDSM came out of nowhere. He pulled out a whip and started to whip Percy's buttocks. Luke looked at this scene and decided to try to pull the nymphs hair out instead. Out of the corner, Hades came running towards them with Thalia, Grover and Juniper trailing behind.

"Oh hai guys, I'm a NERRD now. Look, I can lock myself in a locker!1!" Grover informed them. He then ran to Godde High school.

(Still in Flamer!Mode, of course. XD.)

"NONONO! Not my Grover, no! You know I can't chase you that far! I'm going to self-cannibalize myself until you come back!" And at that, she ran back to her bush and began to eat the twigs.

Meanwhile, the BDSM guy had a revelation.

"I think I'm going to do something with my life now. Keep the whip." And then left west.

Percy, upset with him leaving hollered out "HEY! WE had something special! WE SPENT ALL THAT TIME TOGETHER FOR NOTHING?" With that, he began to whip himself.

Luke, now fully naked besides having briefs on, started to run after BDSM guy.

"Hey Hades, want to watch me make out with Sam I Am? He has hard rock green eggs and a mean piece of ham." And grabbed him by the hat and started to kiss him fiercely.

Hades, after watching them for seven minutes, decided to look for Mr. D and see how doing it would be for them.

Annabeth came to where Percy was smelling like dead people and gold fish poop.

Percy, still whipping himself, took out Riptide and started to cut himself at the sight of Annabeth.

"NOO PERCY! DON'T YOU LOVE ME?"

Percy started to whip his back on his left hand and cutting his shoulder.

"NOOONONONO! You're hair is the color of pee! NOO!"

--

Anyways, they all somehow managed to sort out their problems. Until Zeus decided to go skinny-dipping in the Camp Half-Blood lake, of course. It sent lightning shocks through the entire place, and although no one was hurt -unfortunately- Percy's hair grew fifteen inches from aftershock. He laughed his ass off, and eventually died of perpetual hunger from laughing so long.

He came back to life when he met Juniper in hell--whoops, I mean, Hades--and thought that if someone as useless as her could've gone and died, he was better-off living.

Annabeth, however, intent on chasing her Percy-muffin, really went STRAIGHT TO HELL. BWAHAHA.

--

A GaryStu of a Demeter boy is walking around and walking and walking when he walks into a pit fall trap and soon found by a Satyr... this particular Demeter Boy well and truly enjoyed meat so... Satyr Revenge!

Unfortunately, Random-Demeter-Boy was run over by a tractor. Do not ask me how a tractor ever got into Camp Half-Blood, he was just run over by one.

Sitting on the driver's seat was a mysterious, dark blob of tar that resembled the ass of a half-dead rat...

The rat grinned it's most evil grin, and...fell into the pit-o-doom.

Somewhere else: Percy was standing on the golden gate bridge when he saw an airplane.

said, "Oh, pretty..."

He lost his kidney and he fell in the center of the EARTH. And promptly burnt to a crisp.

Fortunately, he was allowed to be revived because he was fire resistant. Don't ask us how that makes sense, it just does.

When he started floating upwards, he ended up in the arch. "Oh goody..." he said. Then, someone came up to him and said "Like, peace dude!"

Percy was really startled by the voice. He whipped around to face a young man in his early twenties. The man had black stringy hair that covered most of his face. He wore a loose Hawaiian t-shirt and baggy shorts. Percy looked at the man, confused.

"Um...hi..." he answered shakily. As a demigod, he knew to always be suspicious. The man kept on talking, but this time in a hushed voice.

"Hey, dude, like, you it isn't, like safe for you to be up here you know." He whispered, as if he had known about the incident that had happened just a few years ago. Percy was almost speechless.

"W-what?" he shuddered. But the man kept on talking.

"Listen, dude, you may not know who I am, but I am about to tell you, so hang tight with me. Do you remember when you ate those spleens the doctor gave you? I was there. Remember when you broke your foot from...tripping on that ice rink? Yeah, I was there."

And then his alter-ego kicked in…"Percy, I am taking you under. Mwahahaha!"

"O crap," Percy thought, "It's Hades."

He squeezed his eyes shut. when he opened them again, he found himself in a movie set. "CUT! where did this...DWEEB! come from?"

"I well, uh, fell from the sky on a...

...uh...."

The movie director dude threw Percy, and apparently Hades out of the movie set. Percy was furious.

"What business do you have taking me to where ever you are going to take me!" He asked. Hades smiled, slyly.

"Well, you see, Percy, being Hades and all, it can be pretty busy. that's why I've asked you to help me baby-sit my bones. They're a real hassle! So, as a favor to me, your favorite uncle...can you stay for a few hours and baby-sit my pile of bones that are in the underworld?"

Percy shrugged.

"Um, whatever." he said. "I'm kinda bored, I might as well kill some time."

"Perfect," Hades then took Percy by the arm and in the blink of an eye, they were standing in the middle of the Underworld, in front of a pile of bones. The bones emitted a foul odor that seemed to waft through the whole underworld. Hades turned to Percy.

"Okay, just sit here and make sure none of these bones go to waste." He said, pushing Percy down to a sitting position. Before Percy could ask any questions, Hades whirled away in a smoke of fire. Percy just sat there. He sad around, bored, looking at the pile of bones before him. Looking around, not a soul stirred.

Except one girl in the distance. A girl, around the age of twelve or thirteen with long black hair and a silver jacket on, was walking towards Percy. Percy suddenly recognized this person to be...none other than Bianca di Angelo.

"Percy?" she asked as she got within hearing distance.

"Bianca! Hi!"

The girl was suddenly nervous. "Um, I love. Grover. I just realized it today..." her face was flushed.

"Grover's dead," Percy said bluntly, laughing inside, "And you killed...a potato!" he said, horrified "I loved that potato, you little..."

Before Percy could answer, Bianca started to giggle. "And what in Hades are you doing?" Bianca asked, quickly changing the subject.

"Well, Hades asked me to baby-sit his bones..." Percy answered.

"He asked you to WHAT?" Bianca said, obviously surprised. She shrugged, and continued to talk. "Anyways, I have something better to do," She said. She grabbed Percy's hand and dragged him into a room all decorated in silver. "Is this your room?"

"Yup," Bianca then threw off her jacket, whipped around, and stared Percy in the eye.

She said...

"So, ya wanna couple of shots before we hit the bed, or...?"

"Um. No thanks, I like Thalia better," Percy's back teemed with sweat and he felt vomit coming up his throat.

Bianca blinked.

"So?"

"Yeah, so..." Percy swallowed.

Suddenly, the door banged open. And there, stood...

..Scathius(1). Scathius, Bianca's self proclaimed "Caretaker" stared in shock at Percy, then at Bianca.

"What the..." Scathius studdered. "How did this boy get in here? He's not even dead!" Scathius fumed.

Bianca rolled her eyes and...

SUDDENLY.

WHAM.

There was Thalia, ready to give him a lap dance with Luke over to the side with hand cuffs and a sudden lightning bolt came out of no where. "Aww, damn you dad!!" yelled Thalia.

*thunder*

"Sooo, are you gonna let me go?" asked Luke hopefully.

Thalia snorted "Not even in your vilest dreams"

Then out of nowhere, with his evil goblin king, came...

Rob! he noticed Luke and Thalia from DGT, staring in shock, he...

Jumped into the pit-o-doom, clapping.

Out of nowhere, Hermes appeared. He started to steal many things. A razor, a mattress, a kid, and the Mona Lisa.

Then he walked over to the pit-o-doom.

And fell through to the Ice Age, where he found an anime character.

Guess who he was?

The boy grinned,

"Mada mada dane."

* * *

**This story brought to you by all the members of the forum GodChildShipping. To write the story with us, visit the Interactive Fandom-Based Story Topic at GCS! :D.**

(1) Scathius, a charrie from one of the forumers' stories, Beneath the Darkness. Check it out!


End file.
